Dont mess with me im a bluebear!
by xxhabfrabaxx
Summary: captain bluebear and his crazy mind:
1. Chapter 1

the spiderwitch was running slow as fraggin hell! as far as i could tell, it would be a pretty easy job to wrestle this little bastard. i took out my pack of cigarets, my lighter, and took a puff. my cigs always calmed me down. Suddenly i heard a crash and the spiderwitch appeared in the meadow it started running towards me and i started sprinting towards it. the spiderwitch jumped up and landed on top of me. i took it thing (that should not be touched) and bit it off. i have no idea why a witch would have a dick but it tasted very good. the spiderwitch howled in pain and fell onto the ground beside me.i took my pocket knife, and slit its neck. 

I had fruit punch for a while after that incident!

The End!


	2. Chapter 2

the spiderwitch was running slow as fraggin hell! as far as i could tell, it would be a pretty easy job to wrestle this little bastard. i took out my pack of cigarets, my lighter, and took a puff. my cigs always calmed me down. Suddenly i heard a crash and the spiderwitch appeared in the meadow it started running towards me and i started sprinting towards it. the spiderwitch jumped up and landed on top of me. i took it thing (that should not be touched) and bit it off. i have no idea why a witch would have a dick but it tasted very good. the spiderwitch howled in pain and fell onto the ground beside me.i took my pocket knife, and slit its neck.

I had fruit punch for a while after that incident!

Chapter 2

So as I walked along thinking about what I had just done to that damn spider witch and how I had done it, I realized that life, has no guidelines and that you make up your life, and how you live it. I realized that even if you eat the dicks off spider witches and drink their "fruit punch", you can still consider yourself "normal", well, as normal as a middle aged Blue Bear can get. So I decided to go and explore, have some fun, and hopefully not use up the rest of my lives too quickly.

In the distance I saw a mysterious looking creature, green in color yet they looked distinctively like a blue bear. Is it possible? I asked myself. Is there really such a thing as a Green Bear? I sped up hoping and hoping, and as I got closer I noticed that my predictions may have come true.

"Hello" I said to this green bear.

"how are you?" she replied in a sweet melodious voice.

"Very well, but I just cant figure out one thing. Are you a Green bear?"

"Yes" she said "I have been traveling out and about in your world for quite a while"

"Our world?" I replied short on using my brain.

"you don't Know?" she exclaimed.

There is actually two worlds separated by "the vortex""

"What are you talking about" I asked.

"well, I said there is another world, my world."

"Nah, your just high," I replied smoothly

"well if you don't believe me, just come find out for yourself"


	3. Chapter 3

the spiderwitch was running slow as fraggin hell! as far as i could tell, it would be a pretty easy job to wrestle this little bastard. i took out my pack of cigarets, my lighter, and took a puff. my cigs always calmed me down. Suddenly i heard a crash and the spiderwitch appeared in the meadow it started running towards me and i started sprinting towards it. the spiderwitch jumped up and landed on top of me. i took it thing (that should not be touched) and bit it off. i have no idea why a witch would have a dick but it tasted very good. the spiderwitch howled in pain and fell onto the ground beside me.i took my pocket knife, and slit its neck.

I had fruit punch for a while after that incident!

Chapter 2

So as I walked along thinking about what I had just done to that damn spider witch and how I had done it, I realized that life, has no guidelines and that you make up your life, and how you live it. I realized that even if you eat the dicks off spider witches and drink their "fruit punch", you can still consider yourself "normal", well, as normal as a middle aged Blue Bear can get. So I decided to go and explore, have some fun, and hopefully not use up the rest of my lives too quickly.

In the distance I saw a mysterious looking creature, green in color yet they looked distinctively like a blue bear. Is it possible? I asked myself. Is there really such a thing as a Green Bear? I sped up hoping and hoping, and as I got closer I noticed that my predictions may have come true.

"Hello" I said to this green bear.

"how are you?" she replied in a sweet melodious voice.

"Very well, but I just cant figure out one thing. Are you a Green bear?"

"Yes" she said "I have been traveling out and about in your world for quite a while"

"Our world?" I replied short on using my brain.

"you don't Know?" she exclaimed.

There is actually two worlds separated by "the vortex""

"What are you talking about" I asked.

"well, I said there is another world, my world."

"Nah, your just high," I replied smoothly

"well if you don't believe me, just come find out for yourself"

Chapter 3

As I walked/trotted into "the vortex" holding this mysterious green bears hand, I realized that this was what my idea of adventuring and seeing the world was. (Even if its somewhere that you never knew existed) The "vortex" felt like Luke warm water calmly massaging my body as I cautiously barged through it like it was nothing more than a fleck of dust. I stopped midway through "the vortex" trying to figure out the feeling of déjà vu I sensed.

The green bear pulled me through whispering to herself so that I couldn't hear. As I submerged through "the vortex" what I saw was breathtaking. All of the colors and properties I had ever known had changed. Trees had black leafs and a red trunk, bushes were colored black and the blue bears were green, water was pink and dogs (rumos) were maroon and white or neon green and brown**! (*Yay for mixing up Walter Moer's books!) **

That darn green Bear was right. there was another world. I stared at everyone with amazement, while they stared back at me the same. I was speechless, my sense of insecurity gone, as if someone had just squeezed it out of me. She ushered me into a house and sat me down on the sofa as if I had a mental disease and could not control my body moments. At the time I did because I was so utterly amazed at what had just been shown to me.

As I lay there in amazement I wondered, "how and why the hell would I go out of this place."

It suddenly dawned on me that I was being shaken awake. As I awoke I saw the Green Bear above me trying to get my attention. I came to my full senses and noticed a shaking outside of the house. I could see tears swelling up in the Green Bears eyes.

"What is it?" I asked

"The spider witch has come for us." She replied morbidly.

"Oh god damn it!" I yelled loudly.

"Please help us" she cried out, now sobbing.

"Alright" I said "just let me get myself together"


End file.
